5 Days Sober: Learning to Be Addicted to Life

Trying to live in a world of sobriety while being the life of the party feels like standing on the outside looking in, watching a version of myself I barely recognize anymore. The court jester—that’s how I see myself now. Always the entertainer, always the one holding the room together with laughter and liquor, hiding behind punchlines and pouring shots like I was just having fun. But was I really?

Now, five days sober, I sit on the sidelines and watch. I see the same patterns I once followed—the constant drinking, the loud laughter masking deep-rooted pain, the temporary escapes from the heaviness of life. And I can’t help but wonder, “Was this me? Did I really act like this? Was I really numbing myself too?”

The answer is yes. But here’s the truth: I’m done using liquor as a crutch. I’m done running from myself, from my emotions, from the difficult nights and lonely mornings. I’m learning to sit with my feelings instead of drowning them. It’s uncomfortable, even painful at times, but it’s real.

I used to make a habit out of reaching for the bottle when life felt too heavy. Now, I’m trying to make a habit out of something else: loving myself. I want to be addicted to waking up with clarity, addicted to chasing purpose, addicted to healing. Because sobriety isn’t just about quitting alcohol it’s about starting to live fully. It’s about meeting yourself where you’re at, broken pieces and all, and deciding you’re worthy of being whole.

Five days may sound small, but it’s a seed. A new beginning. I feel rested, I feel clear, and even though there’s sadness in the background, I also feel awake.

I’m realizing that the same energy I used to put into escaping my life, I can now pour into creating my life. Into becoming someone who feels deeply but no longer runs from it. Someone who doesn’t need the fog to feel free.

I’m learning to be addicted to living.