Finding Myself When I’m About to Lose It All Living like every moment is my last because I can’t bear to lose anyone or anything

There’s a thin line between holding it all together and watching it fall apart right in front of you. And lately, I’ve been toeing that line more than I care to admit.

I’m in this space where every day feels like survival. Where I’m clinging so hard to the people I love, to the life I’ve built, that I forget I’m holding onto myself too. The fear of losing anyone or anything has me living like every second could be my last. It’s this exhausting dance between gratitude and anxiety thankful for what I have, terrified that it could be ripped away without warning.

But somewhere in the chaos, in the heavy silence of overthinking, in the loudness of life crashing in around me, I’m realizing something: I’m losing myself. I’ve been so busy trying not to lose them  the people, the relationships, the identity, the security that I haven’t noticed how far I’ve drifted from who I really am.

The scariest part? It’s easy to get lost when you’re fighting to keep everything else. It’s easy to forget your worth when you’re operating from a place of fear. You start making decisions out of desperation instead of alignment. You stop trusting yourself because survival mode doesn’t allow much room for self-reflection or self-love.

But today, as I stand in this in-between, with everything feeling so fragile, I’m making a choice. To find myself again. To stop living just to hold on and start living to feel whole.

I don’t know what that will look like yet. Maybe it’s setting boundaries where I’ve been too scared to. Maybe it’s sitting with the uncomfortable truth that I can’t control everything or everyone. Maybe it’s reminding myself that I’m worth saving, even when it feels like I have to save the whole world.

One thing I do know: I’m tired of living in fear of losing it all. I want to live in love with what I have and who I am.

Because at the end of the day, what’s the point of holding onto everyone else, if I’m the one slipping through the cracks?