Giving My All to People: When Selflessness Becomes Self-Abandonment

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been the one who gives it all. My energy, my time, my love handed out without limits to the people around me. I’ve shown up when I had nothing left in my tank. I’ve carried burdens that were never mine to hold. I’ve poured into empty cups, believing that maybe, just maybe, the act of giving would eventually fill me, too.

But here’s the truth: giving your all can sometimes mean giving yourself away.

It starts off with good intentions. You want to be supportive, to show up, to be the person others can lean on. You become the fixer, the go-to, the emotional safe space. And you tell yourself it’s because you care and you do. But behind that selflessness, there’s often a quiet voice whispering, “What about me?”

That voice gets drowned out in the noise of obligations and expectations. You ignore it because you’re used to putting others first. You make excuses: “They need me right now,” or “I’ll rest later.” But later rarely comes.

Giving your all to people becomes a cycle. You love hard, you support deeply, you bend until you break. And when no one notices your cracks, when no one checks if you’re okay, the loneliness creeps in. The resentment follows.

I’m learning that giving doesn’t have to mean sacrificing. Loving people shouldn’t come at the expense of loving myself. Showing up for others shouldn’t mean constantly abandoning my own needs.

The hardest lesson? Boundaries. Saying no when you’re conditioned to say yes. Sitting with the guilt that arises when you choose yourself for once. But the more I practice it, the more I realize this: protecting my peace isn’t selfish it’s necessary.

I’m still learning how to give without losing myself in the process. How to be kind without being depleted. How to be present without being consumed.

Because the truth is, I deserve the same love, patience, and attention I so freely give to others. And maybe, just maybe, giving my all should start with giving my all to me.