The Four Loves That Shaped Me

Love has never looked the same for me twice. Each time it came into my life, it brought something different something that changed me. Some loves broke me, some healed me, and some taught me lessons I didn’t even know I needed. These four loves shaped the woman I am today. Through each one, I grew stronger, wiser, and more in touch with what I truly need from others and from myself.

My First Love: A Dream Turned Pain

My first real love felt like everything I had ever wanted. I just wanted to be loved to feel seen, chosen, and safe. In the beginning, it felt like magic. But slowly, that dream became a nightmare. I was manipulated, emotionally abused, and forced into things I never should’ve had to endure. I tried to hold on, thinking love meant sacrifice, that maybe if I loved harder, it would get better. But it didn’t. Walking away was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, but it saved me. I learned that love should never come with fear. That was the beginning of me learning how to protect my heart.

My Second Love: The One That Left Me Questioning

My second love was confusing. I gave it my all my heart, my energy, my time. And still, it always felt like something was missing. I cried often, trying to understand why I felt so unseen, so uncertain. I wanted him to love me with the same depth I loved him. But no matter how much I gave, it was never enough. I was stuck in the in-between loved just enough to stay, but never enough to feel secure. That love taught me that wanting someone isn’t the same as being loved, and no matter how deeply you care, you can’t force someone to meet you where you are.

My Third Love: The Safe Place

My third love was what I imagine love should feel like. He was my best friend, my safe space, my soulmate. We didn’t just love each other we understood each other. With him, I could be completely myself without fear or judgment. We laughed, we dreamed, and we supported each other through everything. It wasn’t perfect, but it was real. It gave me peace, trust, and comfort. Even if life took us in different directions, that love reminded me what a true partnership looks like and that I am capable of receiving the kind of love I give.

My Fourth Love: A Lesson in Patience

This love feels uncertain but necessary. It’s teaching me to be patient with them and with myself. I don’t know where it’s headed, and maybe that’s the point. Not all love is meant to be forever—some are here to show us how to slow down, sit with our feelings, and grow.

What confuses me most is how perfect it feels when we’re just friends, even though we’re both undeniably imperfect. There’s a strange kind of harmony in our flaws, a comfort that’s hard to explain. Through this love, I’m learning to trust the process, to be present in the not-knowing, and to love myself more gently along the way.

Each of these loves was real. Each one left a mark. They broke me, built me, and taught me more than words can express. I don’t regret any of them, because they helped me become the woman I am stronger, softer, and still open to love, but this time, on my terms.