Love or Leverage? The Deep Wounds of Manipulation in Relationships

Loving someone who still holds on to someone else is a quiet kind of heartbreak. It’s like sharing your life with a ghost someone who’s physically there but emotionally absent. You give your heart, your loyalty, your time, and your soul to a person who’s still mentally tied to a past they refuse to release. You find yourself in love with someone who can’t fully love you back because their love still lives in someone else’s shadow.

But this isn’t just about heartbreak. This is about manipulation. intentional or not and the toxic cycles people create when they use love, children, or shared history as weapons to maintain control.

Manipulation Within Spouses

Manipulation doesn’t always look violent or loud. Sometimes it’s disguised in sweet talk, false promises, or repeated apologies. It’s pretending to co-parent but secretly using the child to control the other parent. It’s saying, “I’ll always care because of the kid,” but behind that care is emotional entrapment guilt, obligation, and psychological games.

It becomes less about love and more about control.

A manipulative partner will use emotions as leverage, making the other feel like they owe them. They’ll pull you close when they need something and push you away when you find your voice. You’re not in a partnership you’re in a performance where their needs always take center stage.

Manipulation Through Children and Women

Children should never be weapons, but sadly, in many toxic situations, they are. Some women (and men too) use their children as pawns in their emotional chess games. The child becomes the reason to stay in contact, the excuse to stir conflict, or the tool to control the other parent’s choices and relationships.

That kind of manipulation teaches children that love is transactional. That people only show up when it benefits them. And it damages everyone involved not just the parent being manipulated, but the child who ends up caught in the crossfire.

Being a mother doesn’t give anyone the right to emotionally abuse their ex. Just because there’s a shared child doesn’t mean there’s a right to control the other person’s healing, progress, or new relationships. Real co-parenting is about peace. About compromise. About growth not revenge, control, or mind games.

Love, Only When It’s Beneficial

Some people don’t love you they love what they get from you.

They love the attention, the support, the stability you offer. They’ll come running when things go wrong in their life, expecting you to fix it even if they’ve broken you before. They love the convenience, not the commitment. And when they say, “I still care,” what they often mean is, “I still need something from you.”

When love becomes a tool instead of a truth, it’s not real love. It’s emotional manipulation.

And the worst part? These people often lie not just to you, but to themselves. They paint themselves as the victim. They rewrite stories to avoid accountability. They’ll say you’re the toxic one for setting boundaries, while they continue their cycles of control disguised as concern.

The Truth About Healing

If you’re loving someone who won’t let go of someone else, understand this:

You are not the problem.

You are not “too much” for asking for respect.

You are not “toxic” for expecting peace.

You are not “crazy” for noticing the lies.

You are someone who deserves a relationship rooted in honesty, emotional safety, and mutual love. Not confusion. Not guilt. Not constant emotional tug-of-war.

You deserve someone who shows up because they want you—not just because it’s convenient or strategic. Someone who doesn’t use their past, their child, or their pain as a reason to mistreat others in the present.

Final Words

Love should feel like home, not like a war zone.

If you constantly have to question your worth, your place, or your sanity then you’re not in love. You’re in a trap built by someone who never learned how to love without control.

Let go of the people who only hold on when it serves them.

You’re not here to be used you’re here to be loved.

Fully. Honestly. Freely.